Friday, June 02, 2006

When In Brighton

Don't stay at The Malvern Hotel. No, really, just don't. It's so bad it's gone all the way through "so bad it's funny" and out the other side to "just fucking awful".

What's wrong with it? Well it's in a fairly horrible state of disrepair, paint, plaster and wallpaper peeling and questionable electric fittings, but that would be almost excusable if it weren't filthy. By filthy I mean uncleaned toilet and vomit stains on the wall in the room I was in amongst other delights. The crack is, the place isn't cheap at all: £65 pp per night, in our case. Good quality chain hotels in the same area of Brighton are £10 - £25 per night cheaper... The place exists, of course, because there is an endless stream of foreign tourists in Brighton who don't know they're being ripped off. This sort of thing needs stamping on, it's little short of a national disgrace the way we allow visitors to our once fine country to be treated.

We should have figured out something was up when I called for directions on the way in:

Me: "We're heading in from the West on the A27, please would you give us directions?"
Chinese Woman who runs the "hotel": "You will be here by half-past eight".

It traspired that this was intended not as advice but rather as a demand (we ended up having to buy a map to find the place and in retrospect sincerely wish we hadn't).

Just so there's no confusion, the place I'm talking about is:

The Malvern Hotel
33 Regency Square

Just say no.


Anonymous said...

Along with the room stinking of Ganga [sp?], the random iron burn in the carpet near the door and the bedroom door that refused to shut!

The latter wouldn't be so worrying were it not for the suitcase full of cammo nets in the 'reception' area, I use that term loosely!

All in all a bloody awful place to stay, I'm just glad the gorgeous steaks, copious beers, fine women and fantastic architecture all helped to blot out the god awful hotel!

Blekfast at 8 my arse! rubbery croissant, stale sweet roll and a dodgy yoghurt is not bloody breakfast! Furthermore I don't want to be sat in my ganga smelling room eating it, espicially as I was within nose distance of the aforementioned toilet!

I rest easy in the knowledge that no amount of weed is going to obliterate the smell I left for the old dear in that pokey little shitter!


In short: Brighton is a beautiful place to visit, be it for the Aberdeen Angus Steakhouse, the fantastic architecture or just the fine, fine women pay it a vist.

Just *please* stay the hell away from the Malvern .... Shithole dump that it it :|

Git Mohair said...

Just in case there's any confusion, the previous comment (from "anonymous") is by one of the colleagues who stayed in the wretched place at the same time I did, not a continuation of my comments.

Interestingly, a google for the place produces loads and loads of similar comments about the place. Shame on Brighton Council for letting the place stay in business. Crossing your palms with silver, is she?